Ask Sara: To Commit Or Not To Commit?

Ask Sara

Tormented? Perplexed? Issues have you tossing and turning? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind. Or wait! Ask Sara…

I’ve been dating this guy for the past two years, and things are really great. However, I’ve had this feeling that over the holiday, or very soon, he is going to ask me to marry him. I really like him, but I’m not ready to marry anyone, even him. If I say no, I’m certain that will be the end of our relationship, which I don’t want to have happen. Is there a way I can softly let him know that I’m not ready for that kind of a commitment before he gets down on bended knee and there’s no turning back?
Slow and Steady

Dear Slow and Steady,
It’s hard to believe that two people who profess to be in love are so far apart in their aspirations. Start, during casual conversations or more intimate moments, to begin sharing your hopes and dreams for the future. Tell him there are things you need to do, experiences you want to have, before you’re interested in getting married or having children. Perhaps it’s a trip to Kathmandu or a summer studying art history in Florence. Make it clear however that one of your dreams includes having him as your boyfriend. A man who really loves you will never ask you to give up your dreams for him. On the other hand you shouldn’t expect him to postpone his dreams of marriage, home and family, indefinitely.
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